Being Kind to Yourself and Building Resilience During Coronavirus and Beyond

Being Kind to Yourself and Building Resilience During Coronavirus and Beyond.

The past three months have been very difficult for all of us. The Coronavirus pandemic combined with enforced lockdown has meant we’ve found ourselves in situations we’ve never faced before.  Personally, I have found it very challenging balancing my time between my work as a counsellor and also caring for my 6-year-old daughter. My emotions have varied and have ranged from feelings of despondency, anger and feeling overwhelmed by the need to keep my head above water.

In such unprecedented times, individuals and families have faced different challenges some of them include:

-       Balancing work and family

-       Financial strain

-       Isolation from friends/family/support network

-       Missing out on holidays/trips/events/birthdays

-       Home schooling

-       Bereavements (not being able to attend funerals of friends and loved ones)

-       Big life events like having a baby and the implications such as suffering from post-natal depression, having to attend scans alone (and the implications of what comes with that) and no new mum support cohorts such as baby groups.

These and other issues have made us feel:

-       Angry

-       Guilty

-       Sad

-       Anxious

-       Scared

-       Stressed

-       Judged

-       Helpless

-       Depressed

-       Resentful

-       Powerless

-       Lost

-       Overwhelmed

Self-care is a really important attribute to have as a parent, especially when you can highlight to your children how crucial it is.  When you take care of yourself you are being kind to yourself. Developing emotional resilience means not just your ability to bounce back but also your capacity to adapt in the face of challenging circumstances whilst maintaining a stable mental wellbeing. Resilience is not a personality trait it’s something that we can all take steps to achieve.

There are many things that we can do to build this resilience and to ensure that we are looking after ourselves as much as possible:

·      Endeavour to make sure that you are eating properly and drinking lots of water.

Not drinking too much alcohol (easier said than done in these current circumstances!). Alcohol is a stimulant and can cause anxiety.

·      Sleep is also a must (if possible). Although if you are feeling particularly anxious your sleep can be frequently interrupted. Listening to podcasts or meditation can sometimes help with this. If you are worried about something try and shelve your worry until the following day as there is very little that you can do about it at that time. 

·      Try to do some physical activity such as running or yoga as the mental health benefits from exercise are immense and also relaxation techniques such as having a bath.

·      Practicing mindfulness can really help.  Go outside, go for a walk and notice what is going on and listen to what is around you.  Look up, we never look up, whether it be at the trees or the tops of buildings.

·      If you are anxious or worrying (anxiety has been on the rise during the current pandemic), be present and try and think in the now.  Think ‘what is’ and not ‘what if’, try not to fortune tell.  Try and recognise a hypothetical worry from a real worry.  If it’s a hypothetical worry try and recognise it as that and if it is a real worry, deal with it straight away or make a plan and then put it to one side. I find the “Worry Tree’ really helpful - https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/worrytree.pdf

·      Competitiveness and comparing yourself to others is not helpful.  Social media is terrible for this, people posting their tik tok videos, some amazing art work or achievement that their child managed on Instagram or some amazing dish they conjured up and posted on Facebook.  Things are not always what they seem and they are probably struggling as much as the rest of us. Lockdown seems to have spawned a new way for parents to feel judged.

·      Make sure you forgive yourself and when you feel you have made a mistake or don’t achieve something that you have hoped for, don’t go putting extra pressure on yourself, it doesn’t help.  Learn from your mistakes and reward yourself for your achievements, even small things like finishing a piece of work or making a decision.

·      Try and resolve conflicts if you can. It can be hard but communicating about problems with either your manager, partner or even your child, can help your relationship move forward.  Use ‘I feel words’, it’s very difficult to argue with feelings.

·      Keep the lines of communication open either with your partner/friends or others in your support network.  Don’t worry about asking for help.  This could mean making an appointment with your GP or seeking some counselling so that you can process your thoughts in a non-judgemental, independent space.

·      Boundaries, learn what they are and stick to them. This could be personal or work related but it highlights what you can do. Practice being straightforward and assertive in communicating with others, if people are making unrealistic or unreasonable demands on you be prepared to tell them how you feel and say no. I think as parents we take on so much and find saying no difficult.

·      Tell yourself that you are doing the best you can in the circumstances and you are doing really well, it’s a very strange time and none of this is normal.  Our brain doesn’t know how to cope as usually it reverts back to how we have reacted to things in the past. No-one has any experience of this. Everyone is making mistakes and muddling through, even if they don’t tell you that.

·      Try and make time for friends as it can help you feel more positive and less isolated, it can help put things in perspective, laughing and smiling with them also produces positive hormones that help you relax. Try and find a balance in your life.

·      Finally know that you are loved and that you don’t have to be perfect. Your children don’t want perfect, they just want you.

www.skncounselling.com